I have no idea how to express myself to people, whether it's love or dislike I'm a bit passive about the whole thing. I'm forever pushing people away and at this point it comes naturally to me. The amount of feeling I actually expression to the people around me is minimal, it enough to keep them happy with our relationship, but not enough for our relationship to gain any depth. I think this has a lot to do with the never truly a hundred percent happy that I deal with, but at the same time I want someone to force my true emotions out of me, I want someone to push on when they ask "Are you okay?" but no ever does, yet the introvert in me doesn't mind. I think way to much, I don't believe anyone actually wants to be my friend and when I say this I mean the "real" me. If my friends knew how sad and lost I really am I don't think they could deal with me, I can't really deal with me. It's sad because I get drained so easily when I'm around people, and sometimes that extend to those who are close. I want to be left alone, but at the same time I don't.
I just need to -- Push On.
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