Nothing makes me realize how much I hate my life like cleaning up toilet water out of my room and bathroom after my brother floods my bathroom when he should be in bed. Anyone would say "oh it was just an accident he didn't mean to do it" and that is fine it isnt about that. It's about the fact that I can't ever be happy or just have some sort of happiness for long periods of time. Everything goes wrong and I just don't care anymore. From my mediocrity at everything to my inability to achieve even the simplest task that i set for myself. There is nothing in this world that I see myself doing or becoming so what is the point of college? The things that could make me somewhat happy I cant get or have. I can't go out into the world because everyone and everything scares me to an extent. I don't trust myself so Im sure as hell not going to trust some random on the street, I see everyone and everything as a threat to me.
I have never liked myself or anything I do. The confidence and self assurances is just an act to fool people into thinking I am happy, so they don't bug me. Everything little thing that goes wrong in my life is a huge disappointment even though I expect it. I rather be alone then with anyone because I don't want to have to pretend like I care about anything that is going on...
There is so much more I want to say... but I can't even do that right because my mind is a fucking mess.
I have wrote these same things time and time again..
Im a broken record.
Why am I like this?
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